Fair Warning: This is Mostly an Update About Our Newest Addition :)

Yes, that's right, we have a kitten!!!  Her name is Penny and she's adorrrrable and cute and sweet and fun!!  Here is the story of Penny:

I was at work (I work out at the lake, remember?) and I was emptying trash on the east side.  I was just pulling my truck back out of a turn out and on to the next spot when I just happened to double-take at something that just happened to catch my eye.  It was a tiny kitten curled up in a ball, not moving.  I got out of the truck expecting the worst, but the animal slightly, only slightly jarred at the sound of my door closing.  She still didn't move at all, even as I approached her.  The sun was shining brightly but it was only about 50 degrees out.  I noticed that there was a dead-ended culvert that she was huddled near and figured she had come out of her "shelter" to try and warm herself in the sun.  She hardly cared that I was coming towards her even as I knelt down next to her.  Finally, she gained the energy to move herself away from me and into her shallow culvert.  I verbally coaxed her back out and she came easily.  I picked her up gently to find that she was all bones; you could feel vertebrae in her spine, and her hip bones just as well.
I had called the shelter before getting out the truck, to make sure they were accepting animals.  I had found a huge tupperware tub back in the shop and lined it with paper towels to transport her in to the animal shelter.  She didn't struggle or or make any noise as I picked her up and she sat quietly in the tub while I got in and started driving.  I had a meeting in the next hour so I had to rush her the shelter.  As I was driving, she warmed up and I guess found the energy to leave her bin and started climbing everywhere in the truck!  I had some spare time so I asked Scott if he wanted to see this poor little kitten before I took her to the shelter.  I liked the kitten a lot so far and she was so sweet and I felt bad for her, someone just dumping her out at the lake, her being all skin and bones.. Scott and I had been wanting a dog for a while but knew we didn't have time for one.  Anyway, I got home quickly and showed the sweet little thing to Scott who had gone from sitting in my lap while I drove, to climbing onto the window to see him.  Scott was quickly taken with her and softly said, "we can keep her if you want baby.." and I was like, really?!  So I quickly dropped her at the vet, explained the situation, asked for her to have a check up and then rushed to my meeting.

I picked her up a couple hours later to find that she was severely underweight and malnourished; she weighed only one pound but was two months old.  The vet said that she had been out there for at least a couple weeks and from her stool sample, that she had been eating leaves and bugs to survive.  She gave us special food for her to eat, some worm medicine and asked to see her again in two weeks.
This was exactly one month ago and she just went in for her third check up today.  She weighs a healthy 3.5 pounds now and you can no longer feel her bones when you pick her up.  She is active and playful and sooo loving.  So sad to think that she was taken away from her mom at only about a month old, but she seems to be doing just fine now.  Although, she has crazy dog-like tendencies including coming in the tub while you're showering, laying at your feet while you're cooking dinner, chasing her tail, carrying her toys around in her mouth, playing in the toilet, licking your face.. etc, etc.  We'll see how this progresses lol
One thing she does that's really kind of sad is that she tries to cover her food that's left over after she's finished eating.  She'll just kind of scratch at the floor in an attempt to cover up the food she didn't eat yet.  We think this was a habit she picked up when out at the lake, trying to protect what little food she had, for later.  :(  She still does this, even though her food will still be there waiting for her when she gets hungry again.  Maybe she'll grow out of it..
Anyway, that's all I'll post for now; it you want to see more pics of her I have an album online:  https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151111368430810.430809.710215809&type=1&l=dda1f3a9d0

Oh, and Scott and I made a bench recently:

I'll try and write again soon!  Hope you're having a wonderful fall!! :)

L&V,

Rach

Updates!.. what? I didn't know this blog was even still running.. ;)

Hellooooo everyone!  (who still reads this blog)  :)

I am just writing to catch you all up on the last few months (that long??) of my life!  It seems that the last time I wrote was... JuLy!!!  *gulp*  But the reason being was that I just got so swept up in this new job!  Literally, as soon as I got home, I was working again and I've barely had a moment to breathe since then.  It's been a lot of working on the weekends, taking working lunches, back-to-back meetings, trainings, etc.  But it's been really great so far!  I'm getting to do a lot of things that make me happy, and I'm also getting to learn a lot of things that I didn't know about before and that will surely help me in future endeavors, like accounting and leading meetings.
I'd like to say that things are finally calming down at work.. but they're not lol but that's ok, because I really thrive on having too much to do :)  There's only three of us at work and we all have our strengths so we're kind of just sticking to them for now in order to get the most done, which is working out well so far :)
Some things that I've been up to?.. well, a few weeks ago a private day school came over from Tulsa wanting an impromptu education day from us.  Well alright! we said, and so Grady, the manager, and Jared the other assistant manager did their little education hours with them, but first, I got to take them on a hike on one of our trails and we did a nature scavenger hunt and mini-plant talk.  I think I loved it more than they did :)  I'd post pictures, buuuuut my co-workers didn't get any pictures of me teaching, even though I managed to take a million of them during their teaching time!!! Grr
Anyway, I'm really excited because I am also on a committee for our future... nature center!!  Yippee!!!  We have dreams for it, oh do we have dreams!  Like that fact that it'll be LEED certified, that it will have permanent and rotating exhibits, that it will be a marvelous, beautiful place for groups to meet and families to learn.. We already have a fantastic architect on board to help with the design and we are slowly moving forward with the other 99% of the things that need to be done to get a nature center built!  :)
I also got the exciting opportunity of being on one of our local TV stations for an interview about the lake last month!  I was really happy to do this, I love outreach and talking to people and this was a great way to do it!  I really want people to know about Lake McMurtry and all the beauty and serenity it has to offer!  I recently did an interview with our local newspaper as well, which I was again very happy about.. so many people have misconceptions about what our non-profit is trying to do out at the lake and I just really wanted to dispel a lot of that.
I'm coordinating several trash clean ups at the lake too, which have been just great.  I love meeting the new people that come out to the lake and hearing why they're here, why they want to be at this clean up.  So far, we've had really good turn outs, but maybe that's just because I've give them a yummy lunch afterwards.. but whatever works right?!  This lake is getting cleaned up, and it needs it! :)

Moving on from work and into the land of my personal life.. baby chicks are finally starting to lay eggs, as of about a week ago!!!!  Well, Ivy is; we aren't sure about Fern, and Lily definitely isn't laying any yet.. she's what you'd call, a "special chicken" lol  Scott is super busy with school, as always but is doing amazingly-well in it, as expected :)  I am so proud of him for how hard he works and for how devoted he is.  He really is someone spectacular to look to for motivation when I need it.  Because of both of our crazy-busy schedules though, we've yet to do much traveling in and around the state.  Last weekend, we went to Foss State Park for a not-too-awesome Bioblitz.  The park itself wasn't too awesome either.  Oklahoma just has different standards here, and it's just really hard to get used to the fact that there are hundreds of bodies of water here, but that none of them are lakes; they are ALL RESERVOIRS.  :(
Anyway, this weekend, we're going to Great Salt Plains State Park, where we are hopefully going to find some crystals that are unique to Oklahoma!  Fingers crossed for a better state park experience this go around.

Scott and I at our not-so-awesome Bioblitz - the wind was ridiculous, if you couldn't tell from my hair :)

Scott and I have taken a great liking to Tulsa and have been there a few times now.  It's almost like you're not in Oklahoma anymore!  (almost)  There is good beer, amazing food, parks, nature centers, actual healthy grocery stores.. and it's just more natural, I guess.  We've also been to Oklahoma City and it holds some of the same things, but it's just not as.. pretty.  It's so much more built up and unnatural, we definitely like Tulsa a lot and have already got a list of places that we are slowly checking off as we go :)

Anne Hathaway Municipal Herb Garden - Tulsa

A snazzy little bike shop in Tulsa

Oxley Nature Center, Tulsa

Oxley Nature Center :)

Practicing fish seining at a training in Tulsa

I've gotten to go out in field with Scott a couple times now to his Wildlife Management Areas (WMA's) where he's conducting his research.  It's been nice to have a whole day with him and to help him with his work - and to actually get out into some real woods, like 'no-one-can-find-you' woods! :)
The only kind of bad thing really, is that I am missing Oregon.  Really.  Bad.  I think of it daily and am getting to the point of tears when I do so.. I just don't know if I can go another 15 months without my home..  I've started begging Scott to go back with me for a visit, but he's just too busy with school and also says that he'd rather just stay here and visit these areas since he knows he won't be back to again after he leaves it.  He and I are on different scales though.  He's lived in Oregon pretty much his whole life, so he has plenty of Oregon in his gas tank to tide him over 'til he gets back.  I - I was still falling in love with Oregon when I left it.. I have only been there for about three and a half years.  I miss my friends, my volunteer opportunities, my plants, the fog, the food, the rain, the conifers and the elevation change.. I really miss Oregon.
But alas, I am here, in Stillwater, Oklahoma, with no elevation change to speak of, one health food store and practically no public land that I can go roam around and get lost botanizing in.  Scott says that there are places I need to visit, like the hills in the SE and SW, so we'll see.  If we get the time and if I can muster up the excitement..  lol I'll fill you in on what comes of it all.
Thank you to whoever still reads this blog, I will try to write more in the future, as I really want to keep you all informed of what I'm doing at work and in Oklahoma in general.  I hope you all are doing well and welcome any comments you may have.  Talk to you soon!  (Promise!)

L&V,

Rachel

Has it Only Been a Week!?!?

Wow, so I got here last Saturday.  I've been here just over a week and already I've interviewed and started a job, of which I am now in my second week!  Gah!
Ok, I guess I'll back up :)  Before I left Bakersfield, I applied in early July for a job as the Assistant Park Manager with Lake McMurtry in Stillwater.  I had already been applying to so many jobs, since early May, some, without even a rejection letter, let alone an interview.  So I just wrote another cover letter, pouring my heart out again, hoping again to get a job that my heart would love.  I turned it all in and about a week later, I got a call for an interview!!!  They wanted to interview the next week but alas, I was still in Bakersfield for another week.  I told them I would be more than happy to have a phone or skype interview, but would love the opportunity to interview in person if they could spare the time.
The newly hired park manager said that would be fine, we set up a time for the next Monday, and I was elated.  I slogged my way through the whole last week in CA and finally fell into Scott's arms at the airport on Saturday afternoon.  I couldn't have been happier.. but no time to relax, I had an interview to prepare for - just two days away!  So I settled in a bit on Saturday evening and then spent all of Sunday prepping for my Monday interview.  10 am came up fast and I biked my way over and met with the Park Manager Grady and the president of the non-profit who runs the park, Scott.  They were great to talk with and I felt an amazing chemistry, as we shared our ideas about the future of the lake as if I were already hired.  I left the interview floating, feeling like I had nailed it.  But, I had had this feeling many times before, just to end up with a rejection letter/email a few days later.  They said they'd have an answer by the end of the week, and I biked home eager to do some work around the house that I hadn't been able complete in the months I had been away.  Finally, some down time to soak up the good and release the bad, play with the chickens, hang things in the house.. and my phone rings.  It's only 1 pm, but it's a local number I don't recognize.  My heart starts to pound; this is it.  It's either 'you were great but we hired someone else' orrrrr, 'when can you start?!'  I answer the phone as professionally as possible and it's  Grady, saying he'd like to hire me and was I still interested in the position.  Am I still interested?!  You just interviewed me three hours ago, of course I'm still interested!!!!  "Oh yes, I really am, that would be so great, thank you so much!"  We talked salary and a starting date.. "well, if it's not too early, we'd like you to start on Wednesday."  Wednesday?!  Like two days from now?!  "Sure, that would be fine!"
I waited until I was sure the phone had ended the call and then started screaming and running around the house.  I called Scott, I called my mom and dad.  I kept screaming and pacing the house.  I had been in Stillwater for two days and already had a job, that I needed to start - 2 days after that!  Talk about a whirlwind!  I thought I'd have days and weeks to fret about joblessness, tons of time to do things around the house that I hadn't been able to since I'd left 4 months ago.
But anyway, Wednesday of last week was my first day as the Assistant Park Manager, and now I am starting my second week after only having been home for little over a week!  So far, I LOVE the job!!  It's fast-past, tons to do and carries butt-loads of responsibility - it is right up my alley!!  I couldn't ask for a better job, in a better city!  Did I mention it's in Stillwater?!?!  Like 20 minutes from my house!  I was applying to jobs that were one, two, three hours away, in bigger cities, yet somehow I managed to land a dream job in the town that I actually live.. everything really is perfect now :)
I am a contributing member of society again, I am in a job a love, with great people around me, I am back home with the love of my life, in a town that is more than growing on me!  Could NOT be more satisfied and content.. This last year and a half has been such a crappy roller coaster ride, and I am more than ready to step out of the crazy current, settle down and enjoy my job, my love and my chickens :)
Thank you so much for continuing to follow and support me on this journey; I am so happy to have you along side me to share all this wonderful news with!!!

Love & velvet,

R

Thursday Night

I got an email from Southwest saying, "Your trip is around the corner!"  Around the corner?  It's four days away; that's not just around the corner, I thought.  Nonetheless, I forwarded it to Scott.  He emailed me back, asking enthusiastically asking me if it felt real now.  I told him that sadly, it didn't.  It still feels so far away.  I told him that I think Thursday night after work, that's when I'll start to get excited.
I don't know how to explain it.. I'm in this so deep, whatever "this" is - I'm in it so deep that I still can't see the light of my trip home on Saturday.  I not sad anymore, but I'm nowhere near excited.  I'm kind of in this in-between state, I just feel kind of numb.  In limbo.  In mid-air.  Like when you're jumping from one side of the ledge to the other.. Just nothing.  I just want to be home already and it's still not time yet; that's all that I'm thinking about.  When it is time to go home, then I will be happy.
I told the rest of my office today during our staff meeting that this was my last week.  A co-worker came up to me afterwards asking if I was excited to be going.  "When are you leaving?" she asked.  "Saturday morning."  "You excited?!"  I mumbled that no, I really wasn't.  I think people have a very hard time understanding where I am right now, with my emotions and it's understandable.  I think it's something that I only can fully comprehend and even those closest to me are a distance from the understanding of it all.  I really just wish I could hand people my brain to wear for a little while so they could really know what I mean, as opposed to me grasping for words to explain my thoughts.
I have been ready to go since April.. so no, I really am not excited.  I've been waiting months to get home, waiting months for Saturday, the 14th of July.  Not for the 1st or the 5 or the 11th.  The 14th is what I want and need, and what I'm dragging myself to.  When that day is here.. oh, you'll know it.
This post was meant to be a vent, but I still don't feel like I really got out what I was trying to say.  Regardless, thank you for reading, and thank you doubly to all of you who have been so very supportive and loving during my limbo time.  My family, my bestie Nina and especially my relentlessly loving partner, Scott.

L & V,

Rachel

Ready for a Sad Rant??

I don't know why, but these last few weeks seem bound and determined to be the hardest..  every night seems to be a sleepless one full of (in this order) gun shots, fire works, barking dog pound, gun shots, fire works, barking dog pound, gun shots.. oh wait there's one more gun shot and more barking dogs.  I finally head to bed with the dogs still barking throughout the neighborhood and our residents birds being equally loud (this includes ducks, geese, chickens, roosters, pigeons and guinea fowl).  This lasts from about 9-11 pm.  I somehow finally fall asleep but am then woken around 3 am to our dog just sitting in the driveway barking, as if someone's paid him off to keep it up...  I am literally going insane here.  As if my mental state wasn't bad enough, I am now losing sleep and being sent into a bad physical state...


Being at home with all this commotion has been very hard, but at this point, being at work just isn't any better.  Things just aren't well for me at work; they have been culminating to a pinnacle and I don't know if it's because I'm leaving soon, or because I really am getting to the end of my rope, but this seems to be the worst it's been all summer.  :(  I am very grateful to be done with this work week, only two more to go. This job has not honestly been what I wanted it to be, and haven't gotten as much out of it as I had hoped, but that's what happens when you have expectations - or so a wise person tells me lol  I did though, I did have expectations for learning more and making great progress in my botany skills, so it's just been kind of a let-down.  I really wanted to contribute to the office more and make some kind of difference and gain great skills that would match the great employer I work for.  I came here as a professional, looking to enter into a professional agency and carry out professional and important tasks.


Keeping in tune with all the other struggles, is the unhealthy lack of nurturing relationships that I have built here.  I literally do not have one friend here.  Granted I did not make the same effort as I have in other places I've lived, but Bakersfield just does not lend itself to 'friendliness' for me.  And at this point, I'm so sick of being harassed by random men that I'm ready to just mace or shank anyone who even looks my way anymore.  Bakersfield has jaded me in this regard and so I think after a while, I just shut down.  Not wanting to make the effort to find groups and causes that I was interested in, not wanting to seek out relationships and friends really.  And it doesn't help when you just work and sleep.  My office is full of older adults and so that venue doesn't really lend itself to a great pool of close friends.  But alas, I wasn't really looking to be social anyway, which is weird and sad because I consider myself very social and outgoing.  Again, Bakersfield.. I don't know.. just oppressive I guess.  I have been much a different person here, and not in a good way.  It'll be good to get home and get back to my old self.


Bakersfield has just been a very weird experience for me in general.  I didn't come here to make friends or have a good time in the first place.  I came here to pay bills and gain experience.  It's just finally come to my attention that you can't ignore all the other needs you still have like love, happiness, comfortability, enjoyment of life, etc.  So, I am going home soon and in the process trading out some less needed qualities for much-needed others.  My head is already there and my heart is dragging my body along with it.  Just counting down the days and trying my hardest to stay busy until then.


This post is probably one of the lowest of the lows, so I can guarantee that my next post will only be better! lol  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, have fun and be safe - and as always, thank you so much for taking the time to read my feelings.  As scary as it is to put your emotions out there sometimes, it really means so much to have people to share them with.


Love & velvet,


Rach

Counting Down the Days Now

Ohhhh man.. how do I say this in an understandable way..

I recently bought a ticket to go home early, and to stay home.. but I am but I'm still trying to get excited about it, and please let me explain why.  I mean initially, when Scott and I talked about dates and finally picked one, and I bought my ticket, I was ecstatic.  I hate ambiguity, I hate gray, I hated not knowing when I was actually going to be coming home.  So putting a date on it was both relieving and exciting.

However, as Scott can attest, I am still swinging back and forth on the emotional pendulum.  I am still struggling here, so much so, that I can't even see the 14th of July (when I go home).  It is only three weeks away and I know as time passes I will definitely become more excited.  But right now, I can't even see Monday, let alone the middle of July.  I am on my knees and elbows, crawling, just one day at a time to still get through this.  I can't even look at a calendar and be phased, for I am only looking at today.  Friday and Saturday were pretty horrible and included a lot of crying and a lot of support from my loving and caring boyfriend.  I am not out of the woods yet, in my mind anyway, and am just trying to make it through these next three weeks.  I still spend every day without my love, away from the life I am supposed to be a part of..  I want to stop crying, stop feeling sad, stop yearning for home..  I just still really need that day to be here.

With that said, I am grateful that there is a definitive end date now, grateful that I can be honest with my boss about why I can't be here anymore, grateful that I am able to get this "secret" of going home off my chest to him and my landlord and co-worker.  Grateful at the fact that I can show enthusiasm about knowing when I'll be leaving and grateful that I don't have to hide my sadness as much as anymore.  I kind of felt like I had to hold it in as best I could, since my situation wasn't going to be changing anytime soon - I needed to keep up a happy face, so that others wouldn't be brought down by me.

Anyway, I am hopeful that I will find something back in Oklahoma; I am still applying for jobs and waiting to hear back from others.  I know that my heart and my ambitions are both big enough, I am just waiting for the right employer to see it.  I am content with putting in the hard work and dedication, because I really believe it will land me a job that I love in the end.  Well, that's the way it seems to go for others anyway lol  Until then I'm just trying to stay busy here in Bfield with work and.. well work really, doctors appts., trying to maintain a stable mental health.. and just other odds and ends that need wrapping up here.

Thank you all so much for continuing to support me by reading this blog, it really means so very much. And a special thank you to my amazing and perfect boyfriend Scott - you really don't know how very much your love and motivation mean to me.  You are the strongest rock I've ever known.  I love you.

Thanks again everyone, I hope you all have a beautiful week.  Talk soon!

L&V,

Rach

A Snake, a Cave, and of Course, Flowers

Hello good folks and lovely people,

Here's what I've been up to, this week and last!  Last week, I went back to the San Joaquin River Gorge for some more seed collecting for a couple of days.  K and I collected at least 10,000 seeds from each of the following:  Brodiaea elegans (Harvest Brodiaea), Castilleja attenuata (attenuate Indian paintbrush), Collinsia heterophylla (purple Chinese houses) and Phacelia egena (rock Phacelia or Kaweah River Phacelia).  Only four species, but it took two days; after about 1130 in the morning, the heat was just unbearable, in the low 100's both days.  But it was really great to get four more collections for the national Seeds of Success project (and to keep some seed for local use at the visitor's center).  Before K and I started, there was no SOS collection team for our area, thus no collections from this region.  So I am just really glad to have some seed in the bank!  We've collected about 15 sets of seed since we got here, woo hoo!

The San Joaquin River

ONLY 103!!!

After a day of wretched heat, we went to this awesome cave on our property.  If you already know about it, great!  If you don't, I'm not gonna tell you the name of it or where it is because if you go to it and end up busting your butt, I don't wanna be held responsible.  Anyway, it was this great, gorgeous, gorgeous cave carved so beautifully out of granite, and "is the world's most notable example of a corrasional cave".  I really wish I had thought to take better pictures to display this phenomenon, but ya know, I was busy worrying if one of those creatures from The Descent was going to have the last of me lol  The cave was scary and awesome, the water freezing and refreshing.  I looked up this cave online afterwards just to see if anyone one had any other pictures... and they did!!  Pictures with rattlesnakes (live!) in the water, dead rats and mice, etc.  The spring rains had flushed all of what would have been in there, out, so all we saw was clean, fresh water, but I'm glad I didn't see those pics before I went into the cave or else I probably would not have gone! lol

Looking back toward the entrance to the cave

The first part of the cave where there is still enough natural light to see

Climbing in here an intense rush for me, but also very.. I don't know.. mesmerizing and brought about a sort of tactile pleasure - my hands did not want to climb, they wanted to just stay fixed and feel the granite..

(borrowed photo)
How gorgeous are these carved out curvatures?!  Like each one was architecturally planned..  each pool carved out from the stencil of a compass..  I love how perfect nature is.

The next day, I went out in the field with Denis to the aforementioned Lamont Meadows where I:  saw my first rattlesnake, laughed as Denis put the wrong keys in the ignition and couldn't get them out, saw pretty, pretty flowers (albeit few and far between), pulled bull thistle, checked on fencing for repairs, and helped change a flat after Denis ran over a huge rock.  It all made for a good day, but I must admit that I still get my hopes up for a visit to a site with water and greenery.. lol when will I stop hoping?!  Oh well.

He got aggressive super fast!

After his rattle show, he tried to escape

 Penstemon

Western Columbine - Aquilegia formosa

My new favorite flower!!!  It's a native thistle, Cirsium occidentale, not sure of the variety yet

She's about 3 feet tall

Friday I was off, and then.. the weekend.  Omg, the 100+ degree weekend.  Saturday was 105 and Sunday was 107!!!  As my friend Tony would say, I coulda made a sidewalk omelet!  Needless to say, it was a very low-key weekend, except for looking for sources of reprieve!  I think I just ended up in my room each night, sweating, with a bottle of wine (thanks mom), playing movies on my ready-to-overheat-and-combust laptop.  But I survived, probably with a few less electrolytes in me, but it was a victory nonetheless.  Later this week it's supposed to cool down (upper 80s), so I'm pretty stoked for that :)
Monday and Tuesday were low-key office days, filled with herbarium specimens, picture-taking of seeds, and completing data sheets.  Today, (Wednesday), I got to go out in the field to a new parcel for a rangeland health assessment (or an RHA - previously known as an S&G).  Myself and five others headed up to a piece of BLM property called Fay Canyon, up highway 178 east, past Lake Isabella.  It's a 500 acre parcel used for grazing and we were there to check out the damage, if any, that this use was having.  It was a long and hot, 100-degree day, but I saw enough milkweeds to make up for the panting! :)  There were at least four different milkweeds, 2 kinds of gourds, a species of Phacelia, some huge cottonwoods, Pinus sabiniana (gray pine), a Choya cactus - and in regards to animals, I saw a tarantula hawk (they loooove milkweed), cows (of course) and a skittish jackrabbit.

Unknown species (but gorgeous!) beetles on a slender-leaf milkweed (Asclepias fascicularis)

Don't you just love heliotropes?!  They are so pretty and cute and make me happy :)  (Heliotropium curvassicum)

These cottonwoods were huge!!!  They came about during an earlier time when there was more water here to support them

Can you see where the natural seepage eventually putters out??  (green vs brown in the background)

A tarantula hawk on a desert milkweed (Asclepias erosa)

Part of our field site

Close up of a milkweed head, infested with aphids

One of two native gourds we found out here - (Cucurbita foetidissima)

The rest of the week is also scheduled to be in the office, but hopefully next week we will be out to collect more seeds that are ready!  We need to get back up to the Carrizo and then to the opposite side of the valley, into Keyesville.  Stay tuned!  Thanks as always for reading and following me on my days, you all are just wonderful. :)

Love & velvet,

Rachel

I Need to Go Home...

..this is what I've been whispering to myself over and over for the last hour.  What started out as my daily evening walk, ended up being just a total breakdown.  I'm still crying as I write this entry.  I just need to go home.  I cry every day.  It just isn't healthy to be this unhappy.  I am frustrated that I cannot put into words what is pouring out of my eyes, frustrated that I cannot explain the pain that sits in my heart and the sadness that fills my half-empty soul.  This experience just is not worth it.  I've tried for months now; I've tried to be patient, tried to be positive, tried to focus on the finish line, and at the end of each day, I am just as discontent and upset.
I have applied for four jobs within the last week; if one of them does not bring me home, I am seriously considering just bringing myself home..  From the outside, a lot of you are probably thinking, why doesn't she just go home then??  Why is she even still there?  If you could see the debt that I have, you would see why, as sad as it sounds, money is the reason that is keeping me here.  If it didn't mean losing a paycheck every two weeks, I would have stayed home when I went to Oklahoma last month.  That is the reason why I am trying to monkey bar my way from one job to another and not just quit this one with nothing else to grab on to.
However, my mental health is more important than any amount of money I owe and I am trying to find the balance between the two.  How unhealthy can I be?  How much debt can I allow to pile up?  How long can I allow myself to be unemployed again before I go crazy?  The state of my health is slowly winning the arm wrestle, and I am trying my best to minimize the the transition.
Like I said, I have four jobs in the queue, and I am giving them until the end of the month to pan out.  If none of them come to fruition, I think I am going to start looking into options to bring myself home.  Thank you so much to all of you who are going through this heart break with me, and to you others who are just sick of hearing of my "heart ache" lol  Much love to you all.

L&V,

Rachel

Please cross your fingers for meeee!! and look at some baby chikkas too!

Hi all, here's what's been happening since last weekend:

Not too much field work went down during this last week of work; went out the Carrizo hoping to collect some bladderpod (Peritoma arborea) and buckwheat (Eriogonum fasciculatum var. polifolium), but neither of them were ready to collect, their seeds were still maturing.  This was the only day I went out in the field; the rest of the week I was studying up and getting my GIS training on, hard core :)  This coming week though, I'll be doing an overnight trip back up in the San Joaquin River Gorge, where the Bioblitz was last month.  There's definitely some good seed up there ready to be collected.  And then on Thursday, Denis is going to take us up to Lamont Meadow for some seed recon. work and to fix some fencing up there.  Lamont Meadow, part of the Back Country Byway, is up in the foothills of the southern Sierras, so I am super excited as to what this will hold.  (Please let it be wetter up there and more lush, please please please...) It's also supposed to be in the low 100's this week - I am not looking forward to the summer in southern California!!!  :-/
In other work aspects, I am still looking for jobs back in Oklahoma, and actually found three to apply for this week!  Hooray!  I am really happy at the productivity I was able to make, and excited at the prospect of getting back home, aaand finding jobs that I would really enjoy, not just a job that I would have to take.  None of them are in Stillwater unfortunately, but they are all within an hour or two which works for me!  Keeping my eyes peeled for more jobs and my fingers crossed that one of these three comes to fruition.  Until then, I've got my nose to the grindstone as always, learning learning learning!  While I'm trying not to get my hopes up, I really am getting anxious to come home and stay home.  It's unbelievable that I only left Scott and Oklahoma a week ago; it already feels like it's been a month.  I'm trying not to think of how much longer I'm here though, since no one has the answer to that.  Just trying to stay positive and stay busy looking for jobs, the former of which is surely only been made possible thanks to the love and motivation of my friends, family and wonderful boyfriend.

And I need to get home so I can be with these girls before they're all grown up!  Can you believe they are just over 5 weeks?!

Ah, they're so cute and almost all feathered out!!  Did I tell you that Scott and I finally named them - Fern, Ivy and Lily :)

Yesterday (Saturday) was my chores/catch-up/errands day, but today I had decided to partake in a Sierra Club field trip to the Tule Elk State Natural Reserve.  It's about a half an hour west of town and consists of a parcel of about 1000 acres, 600 of which are used for the Tule Elk to roam on.  It was nice to get out of the city for a bit and see some good wildlife.  Besides the elk, I saw two coyotes, a jack rabbit and a bunch of burrowing owls.  We listened to the very informative park ranger, Bill, tell us everything about the elk and the Reserve.  The Sierra Club chose this park to visit because it is on the list of 70 state parks scheduled to close this year due to a lacking state budget.  The Reserve at current, is only open three days a week, (Fri-Sun), but is scheduled to close indefinitely starting in July, unless more funding is found.  Bill said they had located a short reprieve of funding, but that it was only temporary, and after that goes dry, if no more funding is found, the elk will be released to open spaces in the area of the state where they are native.  At this point, there will be no protection of these once near-extinct animals from natural predators or unnatural ones, like hunters.  It was a wonderful sight, but the overall tone was seemingly demure as the outing leader, Lorraine talked to everyone about writing to your local senator, and as Mike, a local Sierra Club member, explained to his son, 5-year old Lucas, why the elk might not be here in a little while.  I understand that there are a lot of things that a budget has to include, but it just makes me so incredibly sad that budget choices have to be made between what I think is important and what someone else thinks is important.  Parks, natural spaces and open areas are considered a luxury, a gluttonous expense, when a multi-source-income state can't budget its money appropriately.  Anyway, I won't start soap boxing, don't worry.  Here are some pictures I took out at the Reserve today, enjoy.

Bill, telling us a million great facts about the elk, the area, the people and all of the history

Solar panels that pump water from wells into the sloughs and swales on site.  The Kern River used to run through this area, but was diverted many years ago, so water is now pumped up for the wildlife when needed. 

The females, and 1- and 2-year old calves.  The males are the ones with the horns but are too young yet, to survive on their own

The adult males, running away from us.  They usually stay away from the rest of the herd until mating season.

Until next time.

Love & velvet,

Rach

Stuck (aka Trapped)

I really just want to cry tonight.  I am crying.  I feel as I did when I got here the first time - alone, sad and much like a salmon, fighting an upstream current that won't let me get home.  I feel dejected and discouraged.  I can't write this cover letter to save my life and all I need is a fantastic cover letter to spring me back to where I need to be.  I'm not good at not being productive.  I wrench myself to work harder, do more - even when my emotions are not in the right place to allow me to do so.  My heart and my head don't always work as a team and that is the case tonight.  My heart is lonesome and sad and just wants more than anything to be home.  My head is beating my heart like a race horse to get it into gear and be productive and do work, so that we can get home.  But my heart just doesn't have it in her tonight.  So my head is angry for not being productive and my heart is sad for being so far away from my love..  I just can't win tonight it seems.  Tonight, I am struggling, tonight I am stuck.

The Happiest Place on Earth!

I am in Oklahoma now and couldn't be happier!  I never thought I'd say that lol but when the love of your life is in Oklahoma, you suddenly love Oklahoma too!  I got here last Wednesday, just hours after Scott got the keys to our new house :)  This last week has been spent cleaning out the old place, packing up our stuff for the one mile jaunt east to the new place, and then finally settling in here and unpacking and making minor repairs.  I just loooooove our new house!!  It's a cute 2/1 with a really good size back yard. We have onions and tomatoes so far, and just got three baby chicks!!  So we'll have eggs too in the next 4 or 5 months :)

Our sweet baby chikkas :)

We haven't really gone anywhere crazy/amazing.  We've just been setting up the house which makes me just as happy :)  Fixing little things and setting up our baby chicks' house and watering plants - it's just so ridiculously, unbelievably nice..  I am so happy here; content, peaceful and so happy.. it is so indescribably wonderful, being with Scott again.  When I was here in February, he was suuuuuper busy with classes and getting his research off the ground; but now classes are out and things have calmed down for now with his work.  It's just been really wonderful spending so much time with him.. things are just so perfect that it's hard to believe that I have to go back to Bakersfield in just a few days.. hard to believe but also hard to forget.

Gushing and euphoric with my love, at the OSU Botanic Garden <3

I really, really REALLY do not want to leave.. I am trying not to think about it, but it is just so imminent.  I really feel like I am just in a dream right now and that Bakersfield is reality.  It's just.. yeah, it's just going to be very hard come Saturday.  I've been looking for jobs since I posted about on here last month; I've found some jobs and had an interview or two, but with nothing coming to fruition.  I am trying so hard to find something here, it just seems so very impossible..

.     .     .

Well, here I am Sunday morning, pulled from my dream and plucked back into reality.  If Oklahoma is the happiest place on earth, I am now residing in the opposite.  After a one hour boarding delay, a layover, waiting 2 hours to board my 2-hour shuttle ride to Bakersfield and a taxi ride after that, I made it home a little after 1 a.m. this morning.  Yesterday was just horrible.  I cried myself to sleep Friday night, cried in the shower, cried at the check in counter, as I went through security, while I waited for and boarded the plane..  At least on the plane, the engine was loud enough so no one could hear me crying.  So yeah, long story short, yesterday was hard.  I hated leaving Scott and our new home and our baby chicks..  I know that everyone thinks they have perfection in their relationship, and I'm no different.  And when you find perfection, when you know you've got it, you don't need or want to be anywhere else..  As Harry would say, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

So anyway, it's Sunday and I've quickly morphed into my go-to character of fighting instead of wallowing, no matter how easy it may be to just do the latter.  Nothing keeps me down for too long, and I am grateful for the continual tenacity that my mind and heart produce, even when I think it's just impossible.  I've hit the ground running again here, continuing to look for jobs and doing my best and learning all I can at work while I'm still here.

As always, thank you all for reading; I hope you're having a beautiful weekend.

Love & velvet,

Rachel

Um, you saw a what? Yeah, I know!!

So, came right off a three day weekend at the Bioblitz and back into work!  My body is like what?? lol anyway, Monday I had a bit of down time in the office, processing things from the weekend and such.  Tuesday, we headed out to a new site called Keyesville Special Recreation Management Area.  This gorgeous but sad parcel is located a little over an hour NE of Bakersfield, up in the Kern River Canyon.  I say 'gorgeous' because it is this really beautiful piece of property right on a pretty rigorous portion of the Kern River.  It is a pretty open space with gorgeous gray pines (Pinus sabiniana), really peaceful, serene and beautiful, but I say ‘sad’ because people have just TRASHED this poor place.  Just trashed it.  There are no fees charged here, and it is unmanned because we don’t have a large enough staff to have someone out here full-time, part-time or even much more than once a week.  It has been over-taken by OHV use (off-road vehicles, quads, dirt bikes, etc.), and people just camp here indefinitely, using it without care.  It really is just the saddest thing to explain.  And this place, while we want it to be multi-use, also needs care and to be kept in tact as it is a historically important archeological site.  Keyesville was one of the first towns to be settled in this area, and there are many mines around here, leading to the settlement, which now act as habitat for birds and bats, and in general are just a great piece of history to have in our possession for public safe-keeping.  So anyway, the OHVs are compacting the soil which basically suffocates and kills trees; they also don’t stay on the trails, but instead just make their own, adding to habitat degradation and flora loss; the campers (most of them, not all) are just carelessly trashing the place, using it for what they need and then tossing what they don’t.

The Kern River

So anyway.. we headed out there on this day to scout for plants and just get acquainted with a new site.  We saw couple species of milkweed, an Ericameria that was ready for harvesting and so we collected from; a species of gooseberry (Ribes) with the most beautiful fruits, in my opinion; a native thistle with just gorgeous flowers; oh, and a bunch of other stuff lol I could list plants forever.  For those of your more interested in the fauna, we also so a few cottontail rabbits – they are pretty common in the area of CA, we see a ton of them at the Carrizo too.

A gorgeous native thistle

The entrance to and old mining cave

This turned out to be a short field day, but a good one.  It was really nice to check out a new parcel of ours and to find more opportunities for seed collecting, since the Carrizo Plain is getting pretty spent.  Speaking of the Carrizo, Kathleen and I spent the next two days, Weds and Thurs, out there grabbing as much seed as we could.  We made an overnight trip of it so we didn’t have the make the long drive twice, and were able to spend more time out in the field this way.  There is a house on the property, an old rancher’s house, that now lends itself to housing those who come out to do work or research on the Carrizo.  While there, I was housed with the intern who works at the visitor’s center; some folks from Berkley who were doing antelope squirrel work and some other SCA interns who were studying blunt nose leopard lizards (federally endangered).  Anyway, finished up on Wednesday with a pretty good loot and then headed in for the night.  I camped outside with just my sleeping bag, next to a cute Western Spadefoot Toad.  The stars were amazing, and the next morning, the birds were quite the alarm clock!  The sunrise was spectacular and added to the beautiful ambience of one of the most peaceful places still in existence in this area.  So anyway, up at 530 am, ready by 6 and out for more collecting before the heat becomes too much.  We finished up around 12 or so, and decided to check out Painted Rock, a local attraction if you will.  This huge rock contains very old petroglyphs from Native Americans who lived on these lands for thousands of years.  This is part of the reason why the Carrizo is a National Monument.  So anyway, we stop at the visitor’s center to say hi to Adam and Jackie, and they tell us to keep an eye out for hawks, a barn owl and of course rattle snakes.  We have our eyes mostly trained to the ground looking for snakes as we make the ¾ mile jaunt to the rock.  So I come up on it and there’s kind of this circular trail around the house-sized rock and I start to make my way around.  The rock is just gorgeous with holes and crevices carved out by the wind and sand mostly.  I’m just coming around the corner and inadvertently startle the gorgeous barn owl out of one of the holes and he flies away around the corner. 

Painted Rock

Pictographs at Painted Rock

Darn, I thought, no picture, but at least I got to see the lovely creature!  Sooo beautiful, white in color and graceful as owls are.. I keep walking around the rock, admiring the nooks and crannies, looking for these darn petroglyphs but honestly being more interested in the plants on the ground.  Still walking and I come upon this ledge, that I can only see part of, from my distance and I’m like, oh cool!  What a neat carving out!  It makes a nice ledge and it – OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT??  I stop breathing as I have come upon a sleeping bobcat.  I literally stop breathing.  I have never in my life seen a creature so magnificent and my brain, my body, my diaphragm; they don’t know what to do.  I become unfrozen enough to capture a hazy photo of him (her?) sleeping and then instantly look around, searching for Kathleen.  I don’t want to leave this spot and finally she comes around the corner and I am motioning like a crazy mime.  By now the bobcat has heard my movements and awoken ( I was wondering how long it would take him.) but has now just raised his head and is looking at us with the littlest of emotions.  Not fearful, not aggressive, not even inquisitive.  If I may speak for the beautiful creature, it seems he was only a bit disturbed by us interrupting his nap, if anything.  I continue to stare in awe, screaming internally and still completely devoid of voluntary movement.  I snap to attention just enough to take several photos, hoping, praying that ONE will turn out decently.  I continue to gaze for a few more moments and then decide to bid him farewell, grateful that he gave me the minutes he did to marinate in his amazing presence.  He continued to stare lazily as I continued on, and I looked back every so often to see if his demeanor had at all changed.  It hadn’t. 
I glanced momentarily and the petroglyphs, already having viewed my treasure, and then floated back to the head of the trail, in utter disbelief.  Not only to have come upon this creature, but to find him in the most vulnerable state, taking a cooling afternoon nap, I can’t explain how much this experience means to me.  I still look at the pictures I took and have to almost convince myself that yes, you saw that, with your own eyes, from a mere 20 feet away.  My heart is racing just from recounting it.  To come upon such beauty in nature, is oh so rare, and moreover, to be able to relish in the moment, to watch it continuously without it attacking or fleeing is even more rare.  This was one of the best days of my life thus far, and I am grateful beyond words to have this experience in my eyes, in my mind and in my heart.  Thank you so much for letting me share it with you.

Love & velvet,

Rachel

You can't spell 'gorgeous' without 'gorge'!!!

Ok!  Updates!  Where, oh where to begin?!
Last weekend was my first ever Bioblitz!!  First, here are some pictures from the trip.  It was a very cool weekend.  We packed up the car with everything we'd need for three days and headed up north for the San Joaquin (pronounced 'wa-keen') River Gorge, about 2 and a half hours north of Bakersfield.   I, Denis and my co-worker Kathleen, left early on Friday morning.  Upon arriving, we set up all our equipment - microscopes, tables, got out all our plant books, viles, etc. and then headed out to do some recon. work, before the others showed up in the evening.   We visited our fellow BLM-ers at the Visitor's Center and then hiked over to where Denis thought there was some Asclepias fascicularis (narrow-leaf milkweed) and ended up finding a bunch of monarch caterpillars chomping away on them.  This little ecosystem was very unique because it was sponsored by a nearby tunnel that leads to the river that is collected here for hydroelectric use.  This tunnel holds very cool, moist air, owing to the ferns and the Mimulus (monkey flower) who both love these conditions.
We spent the rest of the day hiking around, collecting plants to key out and press for the herbarium; collecting butterflies, ants and bugs to be id-ed or photographed or preserved for science collections.  In the evening, I set up my tent but was so used to Bakersfield night-time heat that I didn't pack a blanket or sleeping bag.  So I ended shivering under my rainfly lol After it got down to the low 50s, I decided to head to the car, where, unbeknown to me, the windows were down.. no wonder it wasn't any warmer in that blasted car!!
But anyway, that day, Saturday, the rest of the gang showed up; our photonaturalist, the beetle specialist and a community member who is a part of the Sierra Foothill Conservancy.  The six of us set up traps, collected bugs and flowers, hiked through poison oak looking for new species, for literally the whole day - sun up to sun down.  At night, we strung up a white bed sheet and put a bright light near it to attract more bugs for collection.  It was great!
The gorge was so beautiful and peaceful and serene.. Sunday we were supposed to leave around 10 but ended up staying til about 2 to help sort the collected bug species from the pit traps.  Needless to say, when I got home around 5pm I was pooped!!!  And my body was very confused when the next day wasn't a weekend-day lol All in all though, it was great experience.  I learned a lot of new things and got to see a new BLM parcel that was just so wonderful!  The only bad side was that some scotch broom is creeeeping in on the gorge.. better bet I'll be taking care of that though!!  :)

Entrance to the San Joaquin River Gorge Recreation Management Area

Clarkia dudleyana

A happy girl on the San Joaquin River!

Our photonaturalist, David Hunter, positioning a butterfly for it's photo shoot

Separating bugs and insects, by order, from the pit traps

I'll post more about the other events of last week, but just wanted to get this one finally out the door!!  As always, thanks for reading!

Love & velvet,

Rachel