Monday, June 4, 2012
Stuck (aka Trapped)
I really just want to cry tonight. I am crying. I feel as I did when I got here the first time - alone, sad and much like a salmon, fighting an upstream current that won't let me get home. I feel dejected and discouraged. I can't write this cover letter to save my life and all I need is a fantastic cover letter to spring me back to where I need to be. I'm not good at not being productive. I wrench myself to work harder, do more - even when my emotions are not in the right place to allow me to do so. My heart and my head don't always work as a team and that is the case tonight. My heart is lonesome and sad and just wants more than anything to be home. My head is beating my heart like a race horse to get it into gear and be productive and do work, so that we can get home. But my heart just doesn't have it in her tonight. So my head is angry for not being productive and my heart is sad for being so far away from my love.. I just can't win tonight it seems. Tonight, I am struggling, tonight I am stuck.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I love you!
ReplyDeleteNo surprising, you just left the love of your life, a brand new home you've barely moved into as well as adorable new baby chicks, give yourself a few days to get it together, not saying it will be easy, but at least your head will be a bit clearer & you can get that damn cover letter done & get yourself back home where you belong. Breathe, exhale, you got this!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Aw Rach! I'm so sorry you are sad! But the advice about breathing is really good. I know how you feel. It was so hard for me coming to Spain--and then going back to visit it was so nice--and then coming back here there were all these emotions all over again. But they all pass. I promise that your will too. Luckily, nothing in this life is permanent, not that achy feeling in your gut or anything else, and it will be over. You are such a star, I know you will get a good job. Just be sure to give yourself time, and to know that it's okay to not be productive--and even to feel unproductive. Just remember that you can feel that way and also "let it go" instead of feeling like you have to hold on to the hurt. I love you and I'm sending you all my my most comforting wishes!! :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Rachael